when you hit the ground
by simonerenoir
Summary: "She wanted so badly not to believe Castle, and for the most part, she didn't. But, there was a tiny part in the back of her brain that was telling her to walk away. That this case was going to get her and everyone else involved killed. She knew he was right, but she just couldn't walk away. " a Knockout AU


"_Castle, they killed my mother, What do you want me to do here?"_

"_Walk away."_

Walk away. He had told her to walk away. How could he? He had no right. And now they were over. All because of he couldn't keep his mouth shut. For once she thought she had found someone who understood her obsession, who would work with her to solve this case. That maybe they could have solved this case and she could have put it all behind her. The two of them could have even been something. She had tried so long to deny it, but when he brought up that kiss, that thing that they never_ ever _talked about, she knew she was just kidding herself and that she had been for a long time. But it didn't matter anymore, did it? Because they were over. She let out a deep breath as it hit her full force. There would be no more coffee, no more promises of always, no one to make her laugh after a bad day. No. No! She couldn't be thinking like this, not after he'd betrayed her like that. She needed to end this once and for all.

"Roy, I am over it. I mean it, I want him gone."

"Okay, he's gone."

"What?"

Wait, just like that? Just like that he was gone?

"You want Castle gone, he's gone."

"I... what about the mayor?"

She didn't even know why she was arguing this. She meant it when she said she wanted him gone. Kate Beckett was strong and capable and she sure as hell didn't need Castle trailing after her like a lost puppy any longer.

"This is my house, Kate. The mayor doesn't call the shots here, I do. You ought to know that by now."

This was something she'd known for a while now. The fact was that if she did let her self realize that she was aware of this, then she'd have to admit that she actually liked having Castle around. And that would eventually lead to her having to think about her feelings for Castle and she couldn't do that.

"But, I…"

"I could've kicked Castle to the curb years ago, any time I wanted to. The only reason I kept him around this long was 'cause I saw how good he was for you. Kate, you're the best that I've ever trained, maybe the best I've ever seen. But you weren't having any fun before he came along. We speak for the dead. That's the job. We are all they've got once the wicked rob them of their voices. We owe them that. But we don't owe them our lives."

As much as she wanted to hate Castle, she couldn't. Because she understood where he was coming from when he asked her walk away. If he cared for her as much as she hated to admit that she cared for him, then he really meant to keep her safe by asking her this. Even though she couldn't hate him, she also couldn't forgive him.

"He said that we can't win this."

"He's right. I've spent most of my life walking behind this badge, and I can tell you this for a fact... there are no victories, there's only the battle. And the best that you could hope for is that you find some place where you can make your stand. If this is your spot, I will stand with you."

She wanted so badly not to believe Castle, and for the most part, she didn't. But, there was a tiny part in the back of her brain that was telling her to walk away. That this case was going to get her and everyone else involved killed. She knew he was right, but she just couldn't walk away. Not from her mother, not from this case that had been her life for the past 12 years.

"Thank you Roy."

"Kate, I won't try and push you into anything you don't want, but are you sure you want him gone?"

"I appreciate the concern Sir, but I'm sure."

Beckett started murmuring nonsense to herself, hoping it would somehow give her an idea. It wasn't going to well however, and she couldn't help but think that this is where Castle would be helpful. "He must have had inside help. Someone would have noticed if they were really police officers or not, right? There has to be a connection. God dammit, there has to be!" Beckett turned her chair around to face the desk again and tried helplessly to organize some of the papers strewn out across her desk. A crime scene photo of that certain alley, the one that she had memorized every single crack and crevice of fell onto the floor. Leaning down to pick it up, she paused momentarily. _"I know you crawled inside your mother's murder and didn't come out." _Is that really what she had done? This wasn't about her, how could he ever say this was about her? This was about her mother, wasn't it? Dammit, now he even had her questioning the motives behind solving her mother's murder.

Another few papers fell, breaking her from the haze. Scooping up the fallen documents, she tried to lay out the most important things in front of her as well as she could with the skyscrapers of papers surrounding her on three sides. Just as soon as she was organized and beginning to gain her concentration, a faint buzz was heard from underneath the papers. Beckett felt around on her desk until she found the distraction. Glancing quickly at the screen, she read "Castle: 23 missed calls." A shocking 10 more than earlier. She bit her lip in frustration before throwing open the desk drawer and tossing the phone inside of it before she did something stupid like call him back.

Swiveling the chair back to face the case folder, she began looking over everything again just to see if there was something she missed. It was ridiculous really. She had memorized the file as soon as she could get her hands on it. For some reason she couldn't quite place, it gave her comfort. Maybe because no matter who left her, by choice or by death (or because she was just too stubborn and pushed them away), she would always have the case. As she read over the case for the millionth time, a phone rang again. However this time it was her desk phone. She reached over the papers and grabbed the black cord phone. "Who ever is calling better have something good." she thought. Instead of saying this though, she answered with a sharp "Beckett" in a very clipped and all business tone. She hoped it didn't sound too irritated, but she was on the edge of losing it if they didn't get something concrete soon. On the line, she heard a familiar voice ramble on in a very upset and worried tone that almost sounded like it had been crying.

"Martha? Look I'm sorry but I really don't want to talk to Castle right now. He asked me to do something that I just...I really can't do."

"Oh Katherine, that's not why I called. It's Richard. He's-he's been shot."

"_Montgomery agreed to meet us at the hangar."_

"_Will he be bringing her?"_

"_I believe so."_

"_Oh no, we won't have to worry about that at all. I don't think Kate Beckett is going to want to go anywhere once she's learned what happened to him."_

"_I don't think I understand."_

"_Your target is no longer Kate Beckett. It's Richard Castle."_


End file.
